Apology demands are power trips.
I don’t believe that when people demand apologies from someone that they truthfully care if the person is sorry or not. They just wish for to exert power over the person they experience wronged by, by forcing them to grovel to them and bend to their demands. If a person was genuinely sorry they could apologise in their own time, but this takes time, so people who demand immediate apologies or conditional apologies, e.g. “I won’t do this item unI learned that person apologises,” are just being manipulative.
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You're wrong. Now apologise.
Power trip alert
i can't speak generally here, but while apologies alone might not be super valueable or important you are more than allowed to demand an acknowledgement of wrongdoing and an action plan to fix it.
I agree. Seems pretty valid to demand acknowledgement of wrongdoing, yes. I do think that even in this case, demanding an apology is definitely different. For someone to apologize meaningfully you gotta be on the same page, so bringing up the problem should always be the first...
If I have to ask for an apology, I don't want it. An apology should be freely offered and given while making amends. My only job is to alert the other person of the offense done to me if they were unaware. Demanding apologies/requesting apologies is what you do when you don'...
Apologies mean nothing to me. I just want acknowledgment and a guarantee that it won't happen again. Most apologies are empty sentiments for the sake of politeness/etiquette and nothing more
exactly, the amount of times this past year i’ve gotten apologies followed by the same hurtful behaviour, then they act like the victim when i bring it up again. i just want things to change, show me you didn’t mean to hurt me
I think it was Sunn Mcheaux on instagram that was talking about the difference between an apology and an expression of remorse or "im sorry.". Basically it seemed like most people wants to know the other person is "sorry" (feels genuine remorse or guilt about the thing done) v...
Exactly. I dont need meaningless words. I need meaningful actions.
If a legitimate wrong doing has occurred, requesting or asking for an apology is appropriate, along with changed behavior. Otherwise the apology is just empty words. Demands for an apology almost never work, since no one likes being ordered to do anything by someone who is a...
"I am the push that makes you move" basically
If people ask you to apologize a lot, it is precisely because you do not apologize enough on your own.
This is one of the most unempathetic posts I've seen in a long time. Yes. A *subset* of apology demands are from abusers trying to exert control. But blaming all wronged parties for wanting apologies for being wrong, based on a subset of abusers being abusive, is near scary ...
Yeah I agree to an extent, because of course I would want someone to recognise what they’d done and apologise for it if they’d hurt me or wronged me or whatever, but it’s specifically the demanding of an apology that I’m referring to. I see it a lot in other subreddits, “They ...
I've been in a tricky situation where I upset a friend but didn't feel I did anything wrong because the cause for it was something they evoked on their own. It's definitely a human feeling to want to be apologized to, but the demand I got was to just apologize so that they ca...
Does an apology even mean anything when it's demanded? Id say no.
One thing I learned from my therapist — an apology is an action not a phrase. Making someone apologize by force is confronting them with wrongdoing and making them admit it. It’s just the first step, even if forced. As long as they follow thru and actually stop, who cares. A f...
It may lead to something you don't want and expect - resentment and bitterness. And how do you make sure they follow through? What if not?
This is especially true for adults demanding apologies from children. When I was an AP, some teachers would get really mad that I didn't make kids apologize after an incident. The kid is already receiving a consequence and feeling bad about themselves. Demanding a fake apology...
I remember having to write an apology TO MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PRINCIPAL after i poked my friend with a lego sword, not my friend, the principal
Depends. My uncle refused to go to my (lesbian) wedding. He went on a silent retreat a few months after and sent me a letter in the mail about how he spent time discerning and doesn't regret his decision. He wished us the best as companions. He has tried to reach out a few tim...
Yeah I agree and I made this point in another comment. You were wronged and have decided that you won’t interact with that person and won’t subject yourself to more disappointment and sadness until they recognise what they’ve done and make amends. Which is totally fair. If you...
I don't think this opinion is unpopular...apologies are just words if they have no action to back them <3 I usually don't seek apologies (and the only times I have I was intentionally being petty, in a toxic relationship).
Agreed completely
It's not about demanding a conditional apology it's about "Unless this person actually regrets the way they treated me why in the hell would I subject myself to that treatment again" the "I'm sure they're sorry" is the manipulative bit. The rest of us are just uhm no I'm goo...
....if you want to be technical an apology as a number of parts and none of them are grovelling. 1) I genuinely wish I didn't do the thing that I did 2) I understand why the thing that I did caused you harm 3) in the future I have put in XYZ safeguards to prevent the thing ...
Interesting take. I mean that would kind of make all boundaries manipulation? "I wont reopen connection until this person acknowledges the harm theyve done" is a reframing of the same idea and makes more sense.
Yes agreed. I hate a forced sorry. I would rather have better behavior and lessons learned. You can stuff your sorries in a sack Mr 😅
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They shouldn't demand an apology, but they shouldn't have to do the thing either.
I was once forced to apologise to a friend by his boyfriend in a chat group for something I've joked. I thought and still think it's a harmless joke. The friend didn't find it that offensive and just asked me whether I knew what I was talking about. The boyfriend chimed in and...
Regarding of what may or may not be manipulative. I personally do not want fake apologies. It means nothing, if the person is truly sorry they will apologize.
"but this takes time" No the hell it does not. 🧐 I just imagine you bumping someone in public, not saying anything, and then tracking them down three months later. Yes, you're right, it's kind of a power trip, but an acceptable one since you are owed it and they deserve it....
A genuine apology loses its meaning when it’s forced real accountability usually comes voluntarily, not on demand.
You sound like a miserable person to interact with.
I think you're right but that it doesn't apply to dealing with kids. They don't understand what is wrong until you point it out.
Saying “I am not going to entertain this person until they apologize” isn’t a power trip or manipulation. It’s a boundary. Boundaries are something that most people don’t know anything about. It’s important to be able to set boundaries in every relationship so you don’t end up...
It’s more like they can be. Sometimes people aren’t going to be able to feel okay being around someone if they don’t feel like that person cares how they hurt them and getting an apology means a lot. It’s really healthy and mature to be able to say to someone “hey I feel reall...
Well yeah definitely